Changes

"10:40AM. Seniors are walking around outside because they just had their graduation rehearsal. I have a weird feeling in my chest and upper stomach that I can only describe as a reaction to change. It's a bit of excitement, a touch of confusion... but the knowledge that this change is necessary. I wanted this change. I wanted this year to end and I would be miserable if it didn't... but... I don't know. People are passing out of my life. Time is passing. Change is an odd thing."


Pieces have been cut from this next section for my privacy:


"Ten months ago I was head over heels with infatuation for a man ... I was hating myself over things I couldn't control, like the year I was born and the personality I developed in earnest. I was staunchly straight edge. (insert name here) was just a Facebook friend and Jeremy Ruth was but a distant memory. Autumn was an acquaintance, meanwhile, I was completely anti-social and harbored disdain for my peers. I ate like shit but dressed like a queen every day of my life ... I had no idea what true, dark, deep depression was like. Crying was just starting to increase in frequency and I had very little skill in controlling my emotions. I was heading full speed towards a dead end. I was only subconsciously aware of the fact that everything was going to fall apart.


How would I describe my current position? I'm a young girl with scars ... and a heart that is just beginning to straighten itself out. My hormones are running rampant. I am dating a punk-ass 18-year-old with the softest and sweetest heart I have ever known ... I'm undoubtedly meant to be with him at this time and I've felt that way since I met him nearly a year and a half ago. I am feeling a way I have never felt before. I'm full of hope for this summer and for my fragile emotional condition. I have fantastic friends and a stable friendly and a lot of people who care for me. That man ... is hardly an entity in my life at this point and I like it that way. It seems that my life is on the ascension right now and I hope it continues." 5/25/12


For purposes of clarification:
The "man" mentioned is referred to here.
The story of Jeremy Ruth (the "punk-ass 18-year-old") and I is here.
Autumn is one of my closest friends and I don't know how I would have gotten through this year without her. She's a truly beautiful human being and so full of light.


Things are okay. I've been exercising to strengthen my body and practicing loving thoughts to strengthen my emotional state. I have learned to appreciate given circumstances. I've been listening to a lot of uplifting and deep music (check out Incubus's album If Not Now, When? Honestly one of the most brilliant albums in existence, absolutely flawless) and that practice in itself does wonders. Like I mentioned in the above journal entry, summer looks promising. I don't have plans other than to get as many hours in at work as possible, break out my German Rosetta Stone, enjoy the company of those I love, and relax. I don't doubt that I deserve it, because this year has kicked me in the teeth repeatedly and I've been lying on the ground in my own pool of blood for too long. Recuperation is necessary.


I feel strong. I've removed many of the toxicities present in my life, I've been teaching myself not to stress over things out of my control, and I've learned to be thankful. I believe in enlightenment. Enlightenment yields strength. My strength right now is the belief in myself; thus, I have created a nice cycle.


Viva el verano, viva la vida.

To Women and Girls Everywhere (Julie Zeilinger Article)

"Three Reasons Why 'Feminism' Is Not A Dirty Word" by Julie Zeilinger


My fellow teen gals should read and absorb this. Embracing your strength as a woman is one of the best things you can ever do for yourself, and spreading that message of strength is a huge step towards local, national, and even global change. It's a cause worth representing no matter what religion or political party because you are representing yourself and fellow women around the world.


I agree with literally everything Julie says in this article. Yes, being confident in your womanhood will help you get through high school. Yes, sexism is STILL alive and well. If your rights as a gender aren't worth fighting for, I don't know what is.


"For me, feminism is anything but a dirty word: Honestly, I don't know where I'd be right now without it."


Where would we be without feminism?


We would be in floor length skirts, condemned to be homemakers, and constantly disrespected by the husband we were forced to marry.


Research into global sexism will give you a good idea as to how far feminism has to go. If you aren't motivated to do that much, you don't have to look far; there is sexism right in your backyard with the white male Republicans who are aiming to eradicate the woman's choices regarding her reproductive health. 


Who has the right to tell us we are less? No one. Will they continue to attempt to limit our rights unless we assert ourselves as a strong group? Yes.


You know the saying "grow some balls," meaning to toughen up? Well, I think that phrase should rather be something like "get a vagina," or perhaps "grow some ovaries." Our reproductive system can take a beating like no other.


We are women, we are strong, we are one.