Hopelessly/Hopefully

I haven't updated in a while, so I figured I'll do just that.


I find myself becoming angrier by the day. My knuckles are currently bruised and swollen from the incessant boxing I've been doing every day after school. Several people around me have been plucking at my nerves quite a bit, and strangely, I'm not completely sure how to handle it. The issues strike a chord very close to me and naturally I get very fired up, but no one knows other than my handy Everlast heavy bag (God bless it.) The boxing helps in exempting the anger, but not getting rid of it entirely, so I'm not certain what's to be done with the remainder. 


I had a prospective romantic interest at a point over the past month and it fell through quite quickly. What's to be gathered is that during the brief and hopeful episode, I thought I was finally releasing my emotions for someone who has been very prominent in my life in the recent months, but after the fact I realized he had been on my mind the entire time. C'est la vie, I suppose. There's always going to be that one soul present, even if just peripherally.


Tonight, though, I saw Fifty Words performed at Everyman Theater. The plot centers around a young married couple with a 10-year-old boy whom the audience never sees, but hears about quite a bit. The husband is an architect with a project far from home that causes him to be on the road, and the wife is in the baby steps of starting her own business on top of motherhood. This is their first night alone in a very long time, and it begins as a seductive endeavor but quickly goes south. It turns out that the husband has a prolonged affair. The wife, though, who one would typically side with in such situations, has terrible methods within the relationship and tends to be indirect, manipulative, and indecisive. The relationship is dysfunctional because her methods are unacceptable and his methods for dealing with her are equally unacceptable. The moral, quite frankly, is that men are stupid and women are crazy. 


The female character pressed an already existent point in my brain: Being direct with most thoughts in a relationship. In all honesty, one would have difficulty finding a female as direct as I am. I express uncertainties and thoughts that tend to eat up a relationship hastily because it's simpler for both parties. If you beat around the bush with things hoping that somehow they'll be remedied, you will 1.) drive yourself crazy and 2.) create a bigger issue than what was originally present. Although it's a fairly simple concept, I'm still surprised by the amount of people that handle their problems in a passive aggressive manner. What's the point?


Anyway... I've been feeling pretty hopeless lately. In relationships, in my education, and in my life's journey. I've gone on a new medication, though, which holds a lot of hope for the future. I'm praying that it pulls through. I need something to help me out. I'd like a someone to help me out, too, but that seems like an unattainable goal at the moment.


When in doubt, I just breathe. Focusing on one's breathing is a simple cure that many of us take for granted.