Victimized, Whiny, and Illogical (Explicit)

God, fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!


Never has someone made me feel like such a victim. You asshole, you.

I suppose all of this anger has just been lurking, just waiting for the one emotional catharsis that would bring everything to the surface. It has been waiting for the day that I truly understand how much you have fucked me up emotionally. For whatever reason, that day is today.

I wish you knew. But then again, you couldn't give a shit, could you? You egotistical bastard.

When considering the situation, I realize how fucked up it all has been. I guess all this time I've just been blind. I've been so infatuated I can't even see straight. Have you even realized how wrong this all has been? How inappropriate it is? I'll bet you have, and you've drawn your line in the sand. It's far from what is acceptable, but just close enough to me that you have been able to tear me to pieces.

The way you push and pull, the way you bait me with some precious shard of personal communication, it's all about you. You couldn't care less about how it makes me feel, could you? It's all about the attention you receive from me, the attention that I've been so naively ready to give. You have known all this time that all you had to do was say the word and I would be there. You had me wrapped around your little finger.

Do you realize that all this time I've been so close to living for you and you only? I've sat and I've waited for you to reply to my messages. I've jumped from conclusion to conclusion, hoping that maybe you were just busy, hoping that we would fall back into the same routine of casually talking. I know it didn't mean that much to you, but the fact that you went out of your way to communicate with me meant a hell of a lot to me. Because that's what you did. You went out of your way, far past what was appropriate, to talk to me. Every opportunity you had to be the mature one in the situation was thrown out the window and you cannot deny that. The sick part is that I wanted you to throw out those opportunities because I always wanted you as close as I could get you.

I'm not even sure how you did it, but you managed to fuck up my personal relationships. Everyone that knows about you really can't stand you because they saw what I wasn't able to a long time ago. They saw that you had your best interests in mind and no one else's. I'm not sure why you would jeopardize yourself so much in the process, but I guess that's what you would sacrifice for this kind of attention that you were able to manipulate so easy. The guy I've been seeing? He would like nothing more than to knock your teeth out. I've told him everything, and he realizes how fucked up it's been, and how much you've fucked up for me. You have left me emotionally tangled, which sucks for him, because he's the one who has to be here to help sort it out. Maybe that's why you hardly stuck around to be there for me. You knew you would have to get far too close.

It's funny that even though you were relatively detached, you hurt me so badly. I don't even know how you managed to do it, but you did. Congratulations.

The verdict's in. I wish I had never laid eyes on you. I would give up everything I've learned from you just to take back all the pain you've caused. Maybe my parents wouldn't have to blow their paychecks on medication and therapy sessions if you hadn't come around and broken me. Maybe I would be able to have a healthy romantic relationship without thinking about you, or just have a healthy romantic relationship period.

Maybe you'll read this. I doubt you will, because you have more important shit to worry about than that stupid little girl that you played around with too much and broke. If you do, I'd like to remind you of your own words. "Don't scar that heart of yours," you said. Well, it's far too late for that now. I became far too vulnerable, so I suppose it's partially my fault, but it doesn't change the fact that you took advantage of my emotional vulnerability. I didn't realize how much potential you had to scar me so badly because I was too infatuated. For once, I wish you had acted like an adult. I wish you had seen reason. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone else.

But you deserve to know that I am aware that it isn't just me, either. You've done this before, and you'll do it again. You would have to be stupid not to realize what you're doing, and you are far from stupid, so I know you're doing this intentionally. You never gave a shit about us like you implied you did. You fucked with all of our heads. Just know that I'm the one who will never shut up about it. I'm the one who won't let it go.

God, you're so worthy of my hatred. You deserve it.

I just wish I could give it.