Fighting the Warrior Within

Yesterday I had past life regression done.

I sat down in an empty room above Breathe Books in Hampden at a table that was too short for its chairs, and allowed a woman I had never met to connect to my "higher self" and tell me what she saw. Within minutes of sitting down, she told me I was a Crystal Child, which I have been told before, but I haven't been called one in years. (Crystal Children are essentially old souls with kind, forgiving natures.) She said I was very special and that the angels in the room thanked me for being there, because I was "raising the vibrations."

Regardless, she asked me if I'd like to focus on figuring out anything in particular, and I mentioned my anxiety. I've had horrible anxiety since I can remember and I have always wanted to know why. So she connected to my higher self and told me that although we all have hundreds of past lives, I have more than most, and more than 40 of my past lives are contributing to my anxiety.

Lovely.

She read four of my past lives by the end of the session. In each, I was a woman. In each, I was a warrior. Apparently it's strange for someone to be consistently reincarnated as the same gender, but she told me that this was most likely just what my higher self wanted me to see at this point in time.

Even stranger than always being reincarnated as a woman was always ending up as a warrior. Only in one of the four lives did I live in a culture where women were expected to fight (coincidentally, that was the only life in which I did not enjoy battle.) She told me that there is a spiritual theory that states that within all of us, there are 12 archetypes, one of mine being the warrior archetype. Warrior archetypes are naturally inclined to behave as such. They will find battles to fight, and their actions are motivated by their defensive nature.

Whether or not you believe in reincarnation and the like, this makes a lot of sense. I am a ridiculously defensive person. I can never tell when someone is making a joke; I take everything far too seriously, including myself. I'm very opinionated and although I've become more relaxed and open-minded over the years, I'm quick to defend my views. Most definitively, I am independent and self-reliant. Perhaps it's a mix of past-life baggage and present-life experience that has led me to be so disinclined to trust anyone besides myself, but it is the way I am. It's the way many people are.

However, anyone who shares that trait will understand the setbacks that come along with it. Being your own warrior is fantastic; it's empowering, it's reliable, it's something you can depend on. Being on the defense 24/7 protects you. What else protects you? Walls. Barriers. Distance. As a warrior, the only thing you cannot battle is your loneliness.

I like the warrior nestled within my higher self. That warrior has gotten me places. That warrior has helped me overcome many obstacles. We have each others' backs.

Unfortunately, that's all we have. Each other.